In which I obsess a bit too much about make-believe naked ladies.

I began my day, as I often do, by being tricked into seeing something vile on the internet. In this case, Jack Sparrow/Davey Jones hentai.

The internet wants to hurt everyone. I bet that in the 70's, whenever crackpots were thinking about the utopia of the far-off future* of the year 2007, they weren't thinking about how many new and terrifying forms of pornography would slither their way out of the human psyche. On second thought, I bet some of them were. These people are the visionaries, the johnny-appleseeds of our day. Johnny pornoseeds. Whatever, whatever.

*You know what? I don't want flying cars. I have enough trouble getting on small airplanes - I don't need to know that I'm strapping myself into some kind of fusion-fueled volvo hovertank. I just want a bicycle** or maybe a decent road.

**I am the bloggingest luddite 'round these here parts.

Anyway. I live in the middle of nowhere, and it's very strange, because it's almost impossible to not see someone/ be seen by someone anymore. My good and insane friend J once mentioned to me that in the 48 con-tig-u-ous states, you can only get maybe 50 miles from a road. It seems like a lot, but HERE'S SOMETHING FOR YOU. I am basically a shut-in, but on the inside, I only want to sing and dance. Naturally, I only do this in three instances.

#1. When I am in a private place, alone, and have a good source for music.
#2. When I am eight beers to the wind and someone cues up "Ring My Bell" and come on, forget the girls, tonight I just want to dance.
#3. When I am walking through the woods, and sometimes feel it necessary to incorporate a fanciful foot-jive while lip-syncing.

I was in the midst of #3 while walking about the woods the other day, when I was informed a few hours upon arriving back at home by my father that a certain member of his elite deer-maintenance crew (The Deer Police) was apparently seeing to a patch of clover in the deep woods, when I suppose I came into a clearing, prancing and being all fey. Damn you, mp3 player. But it feels like a weird violation of my personal space. I didn't want this guy seeing me act all AWESOME COOL and singing along to myself, and I'm sure he didn't want to see it either. This is often how I feel when meeting someone new for the first time, when I'm not exactly at my peak. I don't want them to see me, and I'm sure they don't want to see me. I'm like a roving blight upon the world.

Then there are strange times when I like being a blight, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway. I have a visitor coming up this weekend, and I look forward to it.