So, like, hi, I post here!

REVENGE FANTASY OF THE DAY



Elevennames.com - the essence of professionalism.



I'm still alive somehow! I'm watching MTV, because I hate myself. The entire station appears to be populated by self-obsessed tools. But they're pretty good looking, so I guess I should keep watching. Hooray for teevee!



Regardless, the theme of this week is The Howling of a Pack of Wolves. Which have a kind of strange beauty to them - you can understand how people can be inspired to wear a T-shirt with big wolves on them. Hell, I want to wear a T-shirt with a big wolf on it. But the important thing is that I'm imagining wolves tearing apart the people on Parental Control. I swear - what is going on with the West Coast? Are people really like that? Is there some kind of radiation west of the rockies that turns everyone into a douchebag? Wolves go rar! Tools say eeek and splork, and "oh no we is bein' eatin!"



A man can dream



SO I NEARLY DIED IN THE STRAND BOOKSTORE TODAY



My diet, since coming to new york, has faltered significantly, i.e. James told me I was anorexic. But it's working! I lost eleven pounds in two weeks! And I'm pretty sure that not all of it was muscle mass. Here's what I usually eat every day.



- 4-6 strawberries

- Sometimes a cracker with cheese.



SEE? Diet revolution! There are side effects, though. They consist of apparently never having to go to the bathroom, and not being able to stand up to fast. Case in point. I was at the Strand bookstore today (18 miles of books, and not a good-looking person in sight!), when I caught sight of a book I used to read a lot when I was but a lad (Irish Ghost Stories! OooOoooOooh!). Anyway, I hunches over and leaf through it, gingerly recalling my youth, re-reading bits and pieces of stories full of silly fake Irish words. Then a beglassess'd employee looks expectantly at me, one book clutched in her paw, and asks politely "Excuse me". I stand up immediately, and let the woman pass.



Insantly, a billion bursts of white light cloud my vision, the pixies of low blood pressure. They persist for about three solid seconds, and I slump against the opposite stack of shelves. I was transported, dizzily, to a land of pure radiance, and it was pretty scary. I'm waiting for New York's wonky banking laws to stop screwing me, and let me access my damn bank account - I miss food groups.