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REVENGE FANTASY OF THE DAY



Elevennames.com - the essence of professionalism.



I'm still alive somehow! I'm watching MTV, because I hate myself. The entire station appears to be populated by self-obsessed tools. But they're pretty good looking, so I guess I should keep watching. Hooray for teevee!



Regardless, the theme of this week is The Howling of a Pack of Wolves. Which have a kind of strange beauty to them - you can understand how people can be inspired to wear a T-shirt with big wolves on them. Hell, I want to wear a T-shirt with a big wolf on it. But the important thing is that I'm imagining wolves tearing apart the people on Parental Control. I swear - what is going on with the West Coast? Are people really like that? Is there some kind of radiation west of the rockies that turns everyone into a douchebag? Wolves go rar! Tools say eeek and splork, and "oh no we is bein' eatin!"



A man can dream



SO I NEARLY DIED IN THE STRAND BOOKSTORE TODAY



My diet, since coming to new york, has faltered significantly, i.e. James told me I was anorexic. But it's working! I lost eleven pounds in two weeks! And I'm pretty sure that not all of it was muscle mass. Here's what I usually eat every day.



- 4-6 strawberries

- Sometimes a cracker with cheese.



SEE? Diet revolution! There are side effects, though. They consist of apparently never having to go to the bathroom, and not being able to stand up to fast. Case in point. I was at the Strand bookstore today (18 miles of books, and not a good-looking person in sight!), when I caught sight of a book I used to read a lot when I was but a lad (Irish Ghost Stories! OooOoooOooh!). Anyway, I hunches over and leaf through it, gingerly recalling my youth, re-reading bits and pieces of stories full of silly fake Irish words. Then a beglassess'd employee looks expectantly at me, one book clutched in her paw, and asks politely "Excuse me". I stand up immediately, and let the woman pass.



Insantly, a billion bursts of white light cloud my vision, the pixies of low blood pressure. They persist for about three solid seconds, and I slump against the opposite stack of shelves. I was transported, dizzily, to a land of pure radiance, and it was pretty scary. I'm waiting for New York's wonky banking laws to stop screwing me, and let me access my damn bank account - I miss food groups.

Theme Teaser: The Howling Of A Pack Of Wolves

Well, hopefully, this will work out much better than the black metal teaser I put up before, but the future remains to be written. After a relatively short discussion, again dominated by Tom and I, the new theme is the howling of a pack of wolves.

If you ask how our themes are chosen, I can tell you very sincerely I have no idea, short of finding each other online, getting into a chat room with the other two authors, and firing off ideas until something sticks. I can say we usually go with something that sounds cool, though that phrase is as nebulous say, Mr. Gonzales' memory regarding the firing of his underlings.

Also, if you had told me that you could have appended the phrase fight in Iraq to our previous theme, "Robots Are Going To..." I would have told you you were lying. However, Wired knows all...

See you soon.

Theme: Robots Are Going To

If nothing else, we are but timely.

Our theme this week is Robots Are Going To, but quite what what they are going to is left up to the writer. I personally think they'll start making better electronic music than humans, just as soon as they can nail a groove.

I know at least one friend that would enthusiastically agree with that, saying electronic music is soulless, and another friend who would Van Gogh both his ears for that comment. The friend who would be on the delivering end of the Van Gogh-ing once described electronic dance music as a series of overlapping noise effects, kind of like progamming. (I spent one semester programming, and I think if I have to do it again, I will Van Gogh both my hands. As for how I'll do that, I don't know, but I'll leave it up to the fertile imagination of the collective internet. Dear reader[s], if you have an idea as to how, do leave a comment and let us know.)

For that matter, how cool would it be to go to a place like Ibiza and see a DJ faceoff between a human and robot? Seriously, consider it. Have a "blind" rave off kind of thing. The first DJ to have most of their listeners dancing, or I suppose, convulsing when the exstasy wears off is the winner. But, perhaps that's too cynical. Regardless of cynical that may be, I feel bad for the Ibiza paramedics. They're really unsung heroes of that little island.

But then, the real question, aside from the eventual robot war is whether the robots can write or compose other kinds of music that aren't overlapping series of beeps better than humans. Maybe video games, too? Jesus, video games would be a mind fuck, wouldn't it? Playing a game on a machine, created and put together by an actual machine. With a story to boot. Imagine if Half-Life 2 had been made by robots. Ain't that a thing to wrap your head around. (I know Zach might argue that Kingdom Hearts 2 was made by the closest equivalent that humanity has to robots, but that is neither here nor there. )

I'll be eagerly awaiting the first videogame made by real robots, as I'm eagerly awaiting the first batch of music made by robots, and in a world where robots can already serve you dinner, that day is looking closer and closer every time I close my eyes.